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The Fourth Expansion

Cartes blanches

10 Incredible Facts About the Anus.
A bunch of idiots playing a card game instead of interacting like normal humans.
A dance move that's just sex.
A fart.
A for-real lizard that spits blood from its eyes.
A gender identity that can only be conveyed through slam poetry.
A hopeless amount of spiders.
A horse with no legs.
A kiss on the lips.
A manhole.
A Native American who solves crimes by going into the spirit world.
A sex comet from Neptune that plunges the Earth into eternal sexiness.
A sex goblin with a carnival penis.
A shiny rock that proves I love you.
A Ugandan warlord.
Actual mutants with medical conditions and no superpowers.
Africa.
All the single ladies.
Almost giving money to a homeless person.
Ambiguous sarcasm.
An interracial handshake.
Angelheaded hipsters burning for the ancient heavenly connection to the starry dynamo in the machinery of night.
Ass to mouth.
Blackula.
Bouncing up and down.
Calculating every mannerism so as not to suggest homosexuality.
Child Protective Services.
Crazy opium eyes.
Dem titties.
Depression.
Doo-doo.
Drinking responsibly.
Exploding pigeons.
Falling into the toilet.
Finally finishing off the Indians.
Fucking a corpse back to life.
Grammar nazis who are also regular Nazis.
How awesome I am.
Injecting speed into one arm and horse tranquilizer into the other.
Interspecies marriage.
Jizz.
Khakis.
Lots and lots of abortions.
Moderate-to-severe joint pain.
My dad's dumb fucking face.
My sex dungeon.
My worthless son.
Neil Diamond's Greatest Hits.
No clothes on, penis in vagina.
Party Mexicans.
Prince Ali,
fabulous he,
Ali Ababwa.
Sharks with legs.
Smoking crack, for instance.
Snorting coke off a clown's boner.
Some sort of Asian.
Sports.
Stuff a child's face with Fun Dip® until he starts having fun.
Sugar madness.
The complex geopolitical quagmire that is the Middle East.
The euphoric rush of strangling a drifter.
The peaceful and nonthreatening rise of China.
The safe word.
The secret formula for ultimate female satisfaction.
The size of my penis.
The tiniest shred of evidence that God is real.
Three consecutive seconds of happiness.
Unquestioning obedience.
What Jesus would do.
Whatever a McRib® is made of.
Whispering all sexy.

Cartes noires

____ may pass, but ____ will last forever.
____ will never be the same after ____.
2 AM in the city that never sleeps. The door swings open and she walks in, legs up to here. Something in her eyes tells me she's looking for ____.
Adventure.
Romance.
____.

From Paramount Pictures, "____."
Alright, bros. Our frat house is condemned, and all the hot slampieces are over at Gamma Phi. The time has come to commence Operation ____.
As king, how will I keep the peasants in line?
Dear Leader Kim Jong-un,
our village praises your infinite wisdom with a humble offering of ____.
Do not fuck with me! I am literally ____ right now.
Every step towards ____ gets me a little closer to ____.
Forget everything you know about ____, because now we've supercharged it with ____!
Honey, I have a new role-play I want to try tonight! You can be ____, and I'll be ____.
How am I compensating for my tiny penis?
I am become ____, destroyer of ____!
I'm pretty sure I'm high right now, because I'm absolutely mesmerized by ____.
I'm sorry, sir, but we don't allow ____ at the country club.
If you can't handle ____, you'd better stay away from ____.
In return for my soul, the Devil promised me ____, but all I got was ____.
In the beginning, there was ____.
And the Lord said, "Let there be ____."
It lurks in the night. It hungers for flesh. This summer, no one is safe from ____.
Man, this is bullshit. Fuck ____.
Oprah's book of the month is "____ For ____: A Story of Hope."
She's up all night for good fun.
I'm up all night for ____.
The Japanese have developed a smaller, more efficient version of ____.
This is the prime of my life. I'm young, hot, and full of ____.
This year's hottest album is "____" by ____.
We never did find ____, but along the way we sure learned a lot about ____.
Wes Anderson's new film tells the story of a precocious child coming to terms with ____.
What's fun until it gets weird?
You guys, I saw this crazy movie last night. It opens on ____, and then there's some stuff about ____, and then it ends with ____.
You've seen the bearded lady!
You've seen the ring of fire!
Now, ladies and gentlemen, feast your eyes upon ____!

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