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[C] xkcd

Cartes blanches

A ferret with wings strapped on
A girl whose only mode of transportation is the M.C. Hammer slide
A human-sized hamster ball
A malaria party
A poisson distribution
A Pong machine that's self-aware
An apple infused with tin
An embarrassing search history
An inexorably advancing wall of ice
Answering casual questions in Iambic Pentameter
Casual use of 'sudo'
Centrifugal force
Clark Gable's Tourette's
Commenting out what other people say
Computational Linguists
Electric Skateboards
Embedded music on MySpace
Feeding rocks to children
Getting Jeremy Irons to do your dialogue
Going out in a blaze of Dadaist glory
Mixing curse levels
Moral Relativity
Only knowing music from Guitar Hero
Orion's penis
Poking small holes in noodle cups
Pronouncing 'Blog' as 'Blag'
Raptor attacks
Sending strange things through the mail
Snakes on Every Plane!
Taking a fourier transform of your cat
The Bellman-Ford algorithm
The elimination of all culture you don't control
The math of Velociraptors
The mathematics of cunnilungus
The red spiders
The RJX-21 Laser Scope
The square root of lov
Using 'They' as a third-person singular gender-free pronoun
Vanilla Ice

Cartes noires

____ is just applied ____.
____ is too big for small talk.
____ linked to Acne! 95% confidence.
____ makes terrible pillow talk.
____ would be a good name for a band.
____ wouldn't be funny if not for the irony.
____? No, I'm not really into Pokémon.
____. It works in Kerbal Space Program.
____. My normal method is useless here.
____. So it has come to this.
____. That's right. Shit just got REAL.
____'s fetish: ____.
2009 called? Did you warn them about ____?
3D printers sound great until you receive spam containing actual ____.
After finding Higgs-Boson, I can always use the LHC for ____.
All of my algorithms were really just disguised ____.
By 2019, ____ will be outnumbered by ____.
Did you know November is ____ Awareness Month?
Did you know you can just buy ____?
Do you really expect ____? No, Mister Bond. I expect you to die!
Dreaming about ____ in Cirque du Soleil.
Ebay review: Instead of ____, package contained ____. Would not buy again.
Freestyle rapping is really just ____.
Help, I'm trapped in a ____ factory!
Hey baby, wanna come back to my sex ____?
How many Google results are there for "Died in a ____ accident?"
Human intelligence decreases with increasing proximity to ____.
I can extrude ____, but I can't retract it.
I didn't actually want you to be ____; I just wanted you to be ____.
I don't actually care about ____, I just like ____.
I filled my apartment with ____.
I got a lot more interested in ____ when I made the connection to ____.
I like alter songs by replacing ____ with ____.
I set up script to buy things on ebay for $1, but then it bought ____, ____, and ____.
I'm going to name my child ____.
I'm like ____, except with love.
I'm pretty sure you can't send ____ through the mail.
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put ____ and ____ together.
If you really hate someone, teach them to recognize ____.
In the extended base metaphor, shortstop is ____.
It turns out God created the universe using ____.
It's fun to mentally replace the word ____ with ____.
Just because I have ____ doesn't mean you could milk me now. I'd have to be lactating.
My health declined when I realized I could eat ____ whenever I wanted.
My hobby: ____.
My new favorite game is Strip ____.
New movie this summer: ____ beats up everyone.
None of the places I floated to had ____.
Now I have to live my whole life pretending ____ never happened. It's going to be a fun 70 years.
Real Programmers use ____.
Social rule 99.1: If friends spend more than 60 minutes deciding what to do, they must default to ____.
Spoiler Alert! ____ kills ____ with ____!
Take me down to the ____, where the ____ is green and the ____ are pretty.
The #1 Programmer's excuse for legitimately slacking off: ____.
The past is a foreign country... with ____ and ____!
University Researchers create life in lab! ____ blamed!
Until I see more data, I'm going to assume ____ causes ____.
Waking up would be a lot easier if ____ didn't look so much like you.
We had a ____ party, but it turned out not to be very much fun.
What did I suggest to the IAU for a new planet name?
What do we miss most from the internet in 1998?
What is the best way to protect yourself from Velociraptors?
What role has social media played in ____? Well, it's certainly made ____ stupider.
What's my favorite unit of measurement?
When I eat ____, I like to pretend I'm a Turing machine.
Why do you have a crossbow in your desk?