[C] Cards Against Homestuck
Cartes blanches... . .-. . -. .. - -.— (Serenity)
A bull penis cane.
A chip in your heart that forces you to love.
A dead Ms. Paint.
A dominant Kankri.
A five minute video of Cronus giving Kankri a blowjob.
A mighty wwizard of wwhite science.
A Nicolas Cage body pillow.
A painting of a horse attacking a football player.
A rapist cuttlefish.
A slaughtered sperm whale.
A smuppet in Dirk's pants.
A Strider sandwich.
A VrisKan waffle.
Accidentally touching Gamze's enormous codpiece.
Alternian fine art.
Alternian rainbow-drinker romance novels.
An acrobatic fucking pirouette.
Andrew Hussie's lips.
Anonymous Soporifics Support.
Aradia's charred, rotting corpse.
Aranea's exposition stand.
Arguing over troll sexuality.
Arthour the lusus.
Beating the shit out of Terezi.
Becoming Tumblr famous.
Being fuck deep in meowcats.
Being in a relationship with a non-Homestuck.
Being locked in a Prospitian prison.
Being the other guy.
BETTY FUCKING CROCKER.
Binge reading every fanfiction for a pairing and then hating yourself a little bit.
Bro and Dave banging while Rose watches.
Bro's rapping ventriloquism act.
C4NDY R3D BLOOD >:]
Caliginous speed dating.
Cards Against Alternia.
Charging down halls, shouting profanities and being silly.
Cherub mating rituals.
Chest of WHIMSY.
Cliched JohnKat fanfiction.
Cod Tier Gamzee.
Constantly breaking Hussie's copyright.
Cosplayers who do photo shoots in bondage (God bless them).
Cosplayers who don't seal their paint.
Creative uses for Aradia's whip.
Dad Egbert/Dad Crocker.
Damara Megido wearing white at her wedding.
Damara Megido's existence.
Dating exclusively within the fandom.
Dave's throbbing beef truncheon.
Developing a deep fear of the sound of clown horns after becoming a Homestuck.
Dirk's self-insert MLP fan character.
Discovering Sollux is red-blue colorblind.
Drawing pornography for Caliborn.
Equius's choice ass.
Equius's copy of "Fifty Shades of Neigh."
Equius's used towel pile.
Eridan crying after pailing Vriska for the first time.
Eridan stripping to make rent.
Eridan's empty quadrants.
Eridan's lowwer half.
Eridan's upper half.
Falling into a pool of lava.
Fifty fucking Nepetas.
Filling all of your quadrants.
Finding grey paint on your bathroom door three weeks after the last meetup.
Flipping the fuck out.
Game Bro Magazine.
Gamzee's clown horns.
gAmZeE'S pOtIoNs: 420 bOoNbUcKs.
Gl'bgolyb. AKA Feferi's fucking lusus.
Going to the bark side.
Grandpa Harley/Grandma English.
Gross misinterpretations of your favorite character.
Hateclown on the side.
Having STRONG surprise buttsex.
Her Imperious Condescenscion.
Her Imperious Condescension's royal butt-plug collection.
Homestuck stealing all the fans from Hetalia and then subsequently watching all its fans leave for OFF and Danganronpa.
HONK HONK, MOTHER FUCKER.
Hunk Rump Magazine.
Hussie constantly breaking copyright and then telling his fans to not break his copyright.
Hussie constantly breaking copyright.
Hussie jacking it to our tears of anguish.
Jade's dog penis and knot.
Jake English standing there like a fucking idiot.
Jake English's assless chaps.
Jake English's choice ass.
Jake English's manhood.
John's Prankster's Gambit.
Just KNOWING that Slick is going to stab Ms. Paint.
Kanaya destroying Cantown.
Kanaya's ashen promiscuity.
Karkat actually topping, for once.
Karkat and Jade's adorable little of mpreg puppies.
Karkat dying of a burst blood vessel mid-rant.
Karkat going through puberty before every other troll and being, like, nine feet tall.
Karkat Tantrum Bingo.
Lame bucket jokes.
Laying back and thinking of Alternia.
Liberty. Reason. Justice. Civility. Edification. Perfection. MAIL.
Lil' Cal's dead eyes.
Lil' Cal's raging boner.
Little children who poop hard in their baby ass diapers.
Lord English's peg leg.
Masturbating while thinking of your OTP.
Maxing out your credit cards to buy Homestuck merchandise.
Mierfa Durgas' troll-horn nunchakus.
Mister Dude, Sir Brah, Dood Dude, Vitamin D, Dude Esquire.
MS Paint Adventures.
My Little Hoofbeast: Moirailigence Is Magic.
Nepeta's heat cycle.
Nepeta's shipping chart.
Never being able to look at apple juice, milk, buckets, or knitting needles without feeling a little bit uncormfortable.
Never dating a Serket.
Nic Cage saying "boner."
Noping the fuck out of there.
Not shipping it.
Only cosplaying male characters when you get pregnant.
Overtaking entire conventions.
Plush Rump Magazine.
Porrim's condom stash.
Porrim's motherly affections.
Rails with pails.
Rose and Kanaya snuggling.
Rose telling John she's a lesbian and they will never be together.
Rose's review of "My Immortal."
SBAHJ hentai doujinshi.
Seadweller dick fins.
Shipping the fuck out of something.
Ships ending in -cest.
Shopping with Terezi.
Skipping to Act 5.
Sleeping ten people to a room at conventions.
Sloppy inter-species makeouts.
Sobbing uncontrollably while reading fanfiction.
Sollux's bifurcated bone bulge.
Staying up to three AM, cleaning the grey off every surface of your hotel room in a desperate bid to not get fined.
Stealing Tavros's wheelchair.
sweet bro and hell jeff.
Telling Sollux what happens to male bees after sex.
Tentative thank-you stabs.
That dead crow with the sword through it.
That human vacation with the giant red chimney-ass-hole.
That shitty apple.
That wonderful feeling when you take off your binder.
The "special attachments" we ALL know that Equius gave to AradiaBot.
The 7th Gate.
The Condesce's crotch.
The Condesce's selfies.
The Dildo of Oglogoth.
The E%ecutor/Expatri8 Darkleer.
The glory that is BroJohn.
The Grand Highblood.
The Great Hiatus of 2013.
The green sun.
The guy who fingered an Ampora.
The Homestuck drinking game (do a shot every time someone dies!)
The Insane Clown Posse.
The little red arm-swingy-dealy thing or whatever it is called.
The Marquise Spinneret Mindfang.
The mere concept of the Olive Garden.
The Midnight Crew.
The Orphaner Dualscar.
The ridiculous fact that some people communicate without luminous rear ends.
The Shipping Olympics.
The significant purposes, biologically speaking, of troll nipples.
The Sufferer/The Signless.
The sweat-drenched, rippling muscles of several truly majestically endowed hoofbeasts.
Topping from the bottom.
Troll Will Smith.
Trolls misunderstanding what "Bucket List" means.
Tumblr user Egberts.
Tumblr user Pizza.
UPS delivery woman Nepeta.
Viceroy Bubbles von Salamancer.
Vriska dying after being stabbed by Terezi.
Vriska's SEXY sex tips for having SEXY SEX!
Warhammer of Zillyhoo.
When your favorite character dies.
where MAKING THIS HAPEN
Willingly filling buckets with Eridan.
Your 300 pound matronly freight-train.
Your lusus giving you "The Talk."
Your Mary Sue fantroll.
Your significant other coming home and finding you in full grey cosplay.
Cartes noires____ makes the Homestuck fandom uncomfortable.
____ stays awake at night, crying over ____.
____ totally makes me question my sexuality.
____. It keeps happening!
____. On the roof. Now.
"Sacred leggings" was a mistranslation. The Sufferer actually died in Sacred ____.
After throwing ____ at Karkat's head, Dave made the intriguing discover that troll horns are very sensitive.
AG: Who needs luck when you have ____?
All ____. All of it!
Alternia's political system was based upon ____.
Believe it or not, Kankri's biggest trigger is ____.
Calliborn wants you to draw pornography of ____.
Dave Strider likes ____, but only ironically.
Equius beats up Eridan for ____.
Everybody out of the god damn way. You've got a heart full of ____, a soul full of ____, and a body full of ____.
Feferi secretly hates ____.
For Betty Crocker's latest ad campaign/brainwashing scheme, she is using ____ as inspiration.
For his birthday, Dave gave John ____.
Fuckin' ____. How do they work?
Gamzee not only likes using his clubs for juggling and strifing, he also uses them for____.
Getting a friend to read Homestuck is like ____.
How do I live without ____?
Hussie died on his quest bed and rose as the fully realized ____ of ____.
Hussie unintentionally revealed that Homestuck will end with ____ and ____ consummating their relationship at last.
I am ____. It's me.
I finally became Tumblr famous when I released a gifset of ____.
I just found ____ in my closet it is like fucking christmas up in here.
I warned you about ____, bro! I told you, dog!
In the final battle, John distracts Lord English by showing him ____.
It's hard, being ____. It's hard and no one understands.
John is a good boy. And he loves ____.
John may not be a homosexual, but he has a serious thing for ____.
Kanaya reached into her dead lusus's stomach and retrieved ____.
Kanaya tells Karkat about ____ to cheer him up.
Karkat gave our universe ____.
Latula and Porrin have decided to teach Kankri about the wonders of ____.
Little did they know, the key to defeating Lord English was actually ____.
Little known fact: Kurloz's stitching is actually made out of ____.
Nanna baked a cake for John to commemorate ____.
Nepeta only likes Karkat for his ____.
Nepeta's secret OTP is ____ with ____.
Nobody was surprised to find ____ under Jade's skirt. The surprise was she used it for/on ____.
Porrim made Kankri a sweater to cover his ____.
Problem Sleuth had a hard time investigating ____.
Rose was rather disgusted when she started reading about ____.
Terezi can top anyone except ____.
The hole in Kanaya's stomach is so large, she can fit ____ in it.
The next thing Hussie will turn into a sex joke will be ____.
The only way to beat Vriska in an eating contest is to put ____ on the table.
The real reason Terezi stabbed Vriska was to punish her for ____.
The secret way to achieve God Tier is to die on top of ____.
The thing that made Kankri break his vow of celibacy was ____.
Turns out, pre-entry prototyping with ____ was not the best idea.
Vriska killed Spidermom with ____.
Vriska roleplays ____ with Terezi as ____.
Vriska's greatest regret is ____.
Wear ____. Be ____.
What did Jake get Dirk for his birthday?
What is the worst thing that Terezi ever licked?
What is your OT3?
What makes your kokoro go "doki doki"?
What's in the box, Jack?
When a bucket is unavailable, trolls with use ____.
When Dave received ____ from his Bro for his 9th birthday, be felt a little warm inside.
Whenever I see ____ on MSPARP, I disconnect immediately.
where doing it man. where MAKING ____ HAPEN!
Your name is JOHN EGBERT and boy do you love ____!