The First Expansion

Cartes blanches

A beached whale.
A big black dick.
A bloody pacifier.
A crappy little hand.
A low standard of living.
A nuanced critique.
A passionate Latino lover.
A rival dojo.
A web of lies.
A woman scorned.
Appreciative snapping.
Beating your wives.
Being a busy adult with many important things to do.
Being a dinosaur.
Bosnian chicken farmers.
Coughing into a vagina.
Dancing with a broom.
Deflowering the princess.
Dorito breath.
Eating an albino.
Enormous Scandinavian women.
Fabricating statistics.
Finding a skeleton.
Genetically engineered super-soldiers.
George Clooney's musk.
Getting abducted by Peter Pan.
Getting in her pants, politely.
Gladiatorial combat.
Good grammar.
Historical revisionism.
Insatiable bloodlust.
Jean-Claude Van Damme.
Just the tip.
Leveling up.
Literally eating shit.
Mad hacky-sack skills.
Making the penises kiss.
Media coverage.
Medieval Times® Dinner & Tournament.
Moral ambiguity.
My machete.
Neil Patrick Harris.
Nubile slave boys.
Ominous background music.
One thousand Slim Jims.
Overpowering your father.
Panty raids.
Pistol-whipping a hostage.
Quivering jowls.
Revenge fucking.
Ripping into a man's chest and pulling out his still-beating heart.
Ryan Gosling riding in on a white horse.
Santa Claus.
Scrotum tickling.
Sexual humiliation.
Sexy Siamese twins.
Slow motion.
Space muffins.
Statistically validated stereotypes.
Sudden Poop Explosion Disease.
Suicidal thoughts.
The boners of the elderly.
The economy.
The Fanta® girls.
The four arms of Vishnu.
The Gulags.
The harsh light of day.
The hiccups.
The shambling corpse of Larry King.
Tripping balls.
Words, words, words.
Zeus's sexual appetites.

Cartes noires

An international tribunal has found ____ guilty of ____.
And I would have gotten away with it, too, if it hadn't been for ____!
Dear Sir or Madam, We regret to inform you that the Office of ____ has denied your request for ____.
He who controls ____ controls the world.
I learned the hard way that you can't cheer up a grieving friend with ____.
In a pinch, ____ can be a suitable substitute for ____.
In his new self-produced album, Kanye West raps over the sounds of ____.
In its new tourism campaign, Detroit proudly proclaims that it has finally eliminated ____.
In Rome, there are whisperings that the Vatican has a secret room devoted to ____.
In the distant future, historians will agree that ____ marked the beginning of America's decline.
Michael Bay's new three-hour action epic pits ____ against ____.
Science will never explain the origin of ____.
The CIA now interrogates enemy agents by repeatedly subjecting them to ____.
The socialist governments of Scandinavia have declared that access to ____ is a basic human right.
This season on Man vs. Wild, Bear Grylls must survive in the depths of the Amazon with only ____ and his wits.
What brought the orgy to a grinding halt?
What has been making life difficult at the nudist colony?
What's the gift that keeps on giving?
When all else fails, I can always masturbate to ____.
When I pooped, what came out of my butt?